Ah! A new week! And you are still here. Great for you. I'm glad you survived your weekend unscathed. It's a good thing that an Internet scammer didn't steal your identity and started a bestiality porno website. It's a really good thing a prowler didn't crawl into your window to strangle you in your sleep. There apparently wasn't a shoot-out near your window or a hurricane that blew through your town. Bombs and disease have not sent you to meet your maker, either. All is well. Seemingly.
It's not that I'm optimistic. Any of those things could happen to you soon. Maybe all of them (and you get raped by an orangutan.) These things are highly likely at any given time.
Scared yet? No? Well that's too bad. I'm just trying to bring you back to reality today. If the idea of any of this did not cross your mind, I'm just here to remind you. Consider me your own Dr. Phil only I don't really try to help you at all. One could make the argument that neither does Dr. Phil but that's immaterial.
In any event today is Monday. Try not to die.
