Dag. Part II

And who cares? It's what everyone wants.

Dag

This world is going to hell in a handbasket.

Foodificationalism

I love me some food! Don't you? Of course you do! And you're in luck! There's a bunch of food to go around. Well for most of us. I am doing my part for the benefit of those poor unfortunates: I'm going to eat a sandwich, every hour on the hour, in honor of those that can not reach their local delis because of bad weather conditions and for those that don't have the right condiments to enjoy a sandwich the way it should be enjoyed. Does it sound ridiculous to you, reader? That is only because you don't take food seriously and should be flogged mercilessly until you do.
The best thing about food is not the taste. Or the smell. Those are just smokescreens. The real action, so to speak, is in the sensation of swallowing a mouthful of delicious tender vittles in front of someone that has none. There can be no greater joy then eating a bit of cheesecake knowing full well that the child near you does not have any of his own to join you in your oral festivities. Now that may sound harsh and downright rotten but that is only because you happen to be the child in that hypothetical situation. Should the shoe switch to the other foot, you would happily munch on your chicken 'n' rice pizza in front of me. So let us not be petty and please pass the syrup. These sandwiches don't go down easy and I need all the help I can get.

Pain in the head

Worst headache ever.

Rain in the room

It's raining out. I like rain. It makes me feel good. Well usually. Today's rain makes me feel thoughtful. What am I thinking? That's not the question you really want to ask. What you want to ask is: why purple, frilly panties? And while that might be an astute observation on your part(bravo, reader!) it is not for you to ask (hoisted by your own petard!). Don't assume that I am wearing said purple, frilly panties. Perhaps it's a gift for someone! Perhaps they are evidence that god exists and had manifested itself thus. Or perhaps I made the panties up to begin with. That's what I do. I play games with you, reader. You're in my domain. I can make words Looooooooooooooooooonger or shrtr. I can make you think of rabid, tick-infested shoe gophers merely by mentioning them. See that? You just did. The power I wield has made me drunk. What was I saying? No idea. Oh right! Rain! Rain makes me feel like I'm enclosed in a watery room. Everything feels blurry because of it. It's kind of awesome. I'd be walking outside in the rain right now but actually I don't have a good reason not to be outside. See you out there, reader! Hippopotamus nuts infected with gangrene(gotcha again!).

Damn hair

Well it seems I can finally incinerate my drivers permit because I got my license. It is a joyous day. Stuff seems to be looking up for a change. Everything seems to be falling into place except one thing. My damn facial hair torments me morning, noon and night. If I cut it short then it looks funny. If I leave it long then I'm told I look like a terrorist. It grows continually so I have to try and trim it just right so it doesn't look like crap. Most of the time I couldn't care less but recently it's been a real pain in the neck. Electric razors tend to pull the hair instead of cut it regardless of the quality of the device. Disposable razors work alright but you gotta keep buying them unless you want to jig up your face. Still I have my license so it's not all a waste. I'm bored now. Peace.

A great f*cking morning

I woke up today to a txt from my roommate asking me to take care of Big K since he wouldn't be back for a little while. Big K is his dog. I let Big K out to do his business in what should have been an enclosed back yard. Big K, after finishing his business, decided that going back into the house was too boring so he squeezed himself through a gap in the fence and was now running wild in the street. Knowing that my roommate would murder me with a tire iron if anything happened to his dog, I ran out after him. I couldn't catch him on account of a trauma he must have received from another tall, dark Hispanic man that required him to whine and run around the neighborhood avoiding me like the plague. He decided to take himself out on a walk and I finally caught up with him about 3 blocks down. I commanded him (yeah right!) to stay as I inched closer and then before he could bolt, I picked him up and began the long walk in my underwear to the house. Thankfully he was not hit by a car or something. He is currently safe and but not sound, cowering in my roommates room while I write this. What a great way to wake up on a Saturday morning.