Soyfriend
Soy. You can get anything in Soy:
Soy yogurt, Soy chips, Soy milk.
I want a soy boyfriend.
He'd be great.
He would be a healthy alternative
to these meat men with their
bad habits and bad hair.
No more dirty socks on the floor.
No more ogling other women at the mall.
No more midnight handjobs.
My only problem with my new
Soy boyfriend is I would have to
refrigerate him after the first kiss.
He's one more:
The Reading
I sit in the auditorium:
Thirsty
Parched
Dehydrated
Waiting for a good time to
Sip my smoothie.
Suddenly the opportunity presents
Itself
And I reach for my
Cold cup of joy.
Sip, sip, SLUUURRRP!
I sit there aghast,
Face white as the smoothie I'm holding.
The reader stops
Looks up
Trying to find the interruption.
Everyones face betrays me to him.
I am found out.
My white face boils
As if he has heat vision.
I put the cup down
But not before I take another
Sip.
I got a kick out of that class because I never took it too seriously but that's obvious. I got good grades even though most of my "work" was thought up in the 15 minutes before class started. I'd sit in this vegan cafeteria and write about the first thing that I saw. Not surprisingly, most of my poems involved food. An effortless slacker if ever there was one.